Sometimes when I read books they have a profound effect on the way that I think and speak in every day life. Lately, I’ve been reading Sherlock Holmes. I think it’s improving my sentence structure and vocabulary.

For example, last night when I said to Mr., “She done it all in text speak and was all ‘u r’ and ‘l8r g8r’ and ‘OMG’,” but then made up for it later by correctly using the word ‘impetus’ in a sentence directed at the cat.

That is what improvement is all about. Are you writing this down?

~Mrs.

From my Rough Guide to Hawaii:

The ancient Hawaiians, with their usual scatological gusto, named it Kuka’emoku, which politely translates as “broken excreta.”

“Scatological gusto?”

~Mrs.

The peanut and I had a very successful doctor’s appointment today. All is well and I’ve gained three pounds since my first appointment. Another three pounds and I’ll be back to my pre-pregnancy weight!

There are only three things left uncrossed-off on my list of things to do.

In the meantime I’ve had to start a new to do list to deal with all the things that have come up since. What a busy few months we’re embarking on!

Our baby registries are nearly complete, we need only wait three more weeks to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl and we’ll be able to finish them up. At the same time, our impending addition has made it necessary for us to find a bigger house. It’s sort of interesting the way that whole thing has gone down. Mr. sent an email to the landlord explaining our circumstances and asking him if he would mind letting us out of our lease a month or two early so that we might have time to get things settled before I become huge. Bobbbbeeeee replied back with, “Sure. I have a guy who’d like to rent it. Can you be out next week?” Of course not. That’s absurd. We were just wondering if Bobbee would mind breaking our lease, we hadn’t begun packing or looking for a new place to live. So, now the house is listed and needs to be kept clean, and the hunt is on for a new, bigger place to live. And, can I just say that the available rentals are embarrassingly filthy.

Next week I’m going to Arizona to spend a week on the reservation with my mom and her geriatric dog, Jake. That’s 7 days away from my to do list. Glorious. And when I come back, Holly will have a baby girl for me to drool over. If she doesn’t have one before then. And maybe we’ll be moving to a new home?

In March Mr. and I will be going on vacation to Maui, where I will tan my fat belly on the beach. And then on the way back we’ll stop in Southern California to attend a very important wedding, where I will dance and drink Shirley Temples while all of my friends get plastered and talk about that time when….

April. Well, April is a very important month. April is the month when I can buy all the jellybeans and malted milk eggs that my mouth can handle. It is also the month when Mr.’s parents will be coming down to visit us. I’m looking forward to this in particular because we don’t get to see them often enough. We hope to have a comfy guest room for them, but they’ll have to get their own jellybeans.

May is boring.

~Mrs.

There are huge, fat, sticky snowflakes swirling around outside the window right now. It’s pretty awesome….Except for the whole cold thing. I could do without that.

Sooo….Tomorrow the peanut and I have a doctor’s appointment. This Wednesday will be the beginning of week 17 of this pregnancy. Which means that we are only 3 weeks away from being halfway to a breathing, screaming baby.

23 weeks is basically no time at all when you consider that right now the little tyke is only about 6-7 inches long and only weighs about 5 ounces.

That’s hardly even big enough to displace any of my internal goop. Actually, unless you know that I’m pregnant, I really just look like I need to lay off the donuts and beer. I like to think that this is because I have such tight, fit abs or because there’s extra space in there where my appendix used to be, but it feels more like it’s because the peanut is squishing my bladder into oblivion and bullying my intestines out of the way.

When I think about it though, my job and the associated discomforts seem to pale in comparison to what the peanut is up against over the next 6 months. It has to be hard, painful work to grow 7.7 pounds and 14 inches in such a short time, even if your bones haven’t totally solidified yet. Ouch!

~Mrs.